Narcissist as abuser — when the charm turns to harm
But there can be an even more abusive and twisted side to narcissism that Betsy and I only touch on in the book. One of the three personal stories we include in our ebook describes this chilling side of narcissism. The writer is Lori Newman, author of a book on her battles with narcissists to protect herself and her children “Here All Along.”
Secrets – he was all about making sure no one knew what went on behind closed doors.
He drank a lot that night, but he always drank a lot at night, and he continued to drink until he had passed out. I found him still holding his beer, on the couch in front of the TV.
The last time I found him in this position and did nothing, he told me, “Why would you just leave me there; you think it’s funny?”
So that evening I knew it would not be wise to leave him there again to sleep it off. I took his beer from his hand and tried as best I could to get him to stand and follow me to the bedroom. He awoke for a moment and began lifting his hand to his mouth as if taking a drink from his beer. I got him to stand and managed to help him stumble into our room.
I awoke several hours later to hear someone banging into the walls and mumbling to themselves how crazy the walk to the bathroom had been. Then he passed out on the floor and didn’t move. I got up to make sure he was still breathing. That’s when the smell of what he had done fully hit me. He had been standing in front of my closet with the door opened believing he was in the bathroom.
The next morning when he awoke and found himself on the floor, he got up and asked what had happened. He laughed as he left the room, telling me, “Have fun cleaning that up.” He took a shower and left.
“Make sure that’s cleaned before I get back,” he told me.
No apologies, no offer to help, just letting me know I had a timeline to get my own shoes and clothes cleaned up. A few months later, I shared this story with a friend. She, in turn, told her husband, who then laughed as he teased my husband about his midnight mishap.
I came home one day to find my husband in our yard swinging a golf club. He wasn’t supposed to be home from work for another four hours so I knew something was wrong.
“Do you think you are funny?” was the only question he had asked me.
I saw his eyes go black, and I knew I was in trouble. I ran for the house but heard him close behind me. I tried to lock myself in our room, but I wasn’t fast enough. He pushed me onto the bed and put a pillow over my head and explained, “No one laughs at me.”
- This is how the narcissist works—it is always the fault of others for why they cannot succeed.
- This is how the narcissist works—no one is more important than they are.
- This is how the narcissist works—no one is ever truly worthy of their love.
Some narcissists can fit so well into society, it’s often hard for those outside their influence to see or believe the nature of their power and control. Much of their abuse is verbal or emotional abuse, but they can and will step over the line into physical abuse if their false or balloon self sees that as an option.
Want to know more? Take a look at
The Narcissist — A User’s Guide
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Photo: Casey Fleser