Why are narcissists such crazy-makers?

by Lori Hoeck on December 28, 2009

drama-queen-tiaraDealing with narcissists is never comfortable, logical, or simple. They are drama kings and queens of chaos, confusion, and conflict. They are crazy-makers and gaslighters.

Because they are blind and clueless to their own nature,  arguing — or just talking to narcissists and crazy-makers — is like trying to lasso the wind.

Here are a few recent tweets on Twitter I’ve used to explain some of their ways:

Why are narcissists such crazy-makers?

  • Their subconscious creates a false ego from which to relate to the world. They are their own avatar!
  • Subconsciously real relationships don’t exist for them. We’re all just players on the narcissists stage.
  • They create stories, euphemisms, sayings, definitions, rules they hold up as Truth. Their world is false.
  • They must talk about themselves & be in control. They want you to just be an ego-stroking entity for them.
  • Their charm is false. Contradict them a few times & you’ll feel their out-of-proportion narcissistic rage.
  • Their sole subconscious pursuit is to be seen as God’s gift to the world in a certain area or skill set.
  • They don’t use language as communication. It’s for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating.
  • Their conversations & interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, & create drama.
  • They see personality weaknesses & exploit them as easily as you & I ride a bicycle.

Want to know more? Take a look at
The Narcissist — A User’s Guide

UPDATE ON MY TWEETS:

Why are narcissists crazy-makers?

  • Their blame-shifting creates defensiveness. Then they belittle the defensiveness: “Why are you so angry?”
  • Since they shift blame so well & seamlessly, your guilt/insecurity issues stay raw and over-sensitive.
  • They lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut off at the knees to keep you indebted & coming back.
  • They give you a metaphorical rug & then keep pulling it out from under you
  • They are: blowhards, braggarts, blusterers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, and ultimately bogus.
  • They can help you gain certain skills/info/connections, but then forever make you feel beholden to them.
  • They are extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval.
  • They make you feel special & then emotional distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.
  • They use a judgmental “you’re OK”/”you’re not OK” yo-yoing to keep you off-balance & “blameworthy.”
  • They groom people via manipulation (charm/rage combo) to sell their reality/rationalizations to others.
  • Early emotional trauma freezes their worldview at that age,making them immature, impatient, inconsiderate.

Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

POSTS YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:

Has a narcissist tried this manipulation on you?
Three ways a narcissist can take control
Signs and traits of emotional predators

Photo credit: Siti Saad

{ 1 trackback }

Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you?
July 2, 2010 at 10:10 am

{ 9 comments }

1 Davina December 28, 2009 at 8:02 pm

So basically, they defy all logic and keep “pulling the rug out from under you.” Can you imagine two narcissists playing off of each other? Oh the power trips.

2 SB December 29, 2009 at 3:50 pm

“So basically, they defy all logic and keep “pulling the rug out from under you.” Can you imagine two narcissists playing off of each other? Oh the power trips.”

I think my ex-narcissist-husband’s new partner (she was the OW he had affair with before we divorced) is also a narcissist. Oh boy, sometimes I would love to be a fly on the wall in their loveboat!

3 Lori Hoeck December 29, 2009 at 4:50 pm

Hi Davina,
It’s not a pretty sight.

4 Lori Hoeck December 29, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Hi SB,
Welcome and thanks for commenting.

Narcissists can partner fairly successfully with some types who crave the drama and the second lead dog position. It is a wicked, weird, and wacky dynamic.

5 vered | blogger for hire January 1, 2010 at 5:22 pm

In an ideal world, you would be able to filter out all the narcissists and stay away from them. In the real world, some of them are family or coworkers… impossible to completely stay away.

6 Deb Dorchak January 3, 2010 at 7:04 am

Sometimes it pays to be up at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning. I actually read my feedreader and find links to blogs like this. Anything with a fellow female martial artist in it is enough to grab my attention and keep me reading. Add to that an interesting post like this one and you’ve got a winner.

Wicked, weird and wacky doesn’t even begin to describe that dynamic and no matter how you slice it, it’s not pretty.

Thanks for the insight this morning. You can bet I’ll be back for more.

7 Barbara Swafford January 4, 2010 at 3:46 am

Hi Lori,

You’ve nailed narcissists perfectly. Fortunately I’ve rid myself of those that have been in my life.

Congratulations on yours and Betsy’s upcoming project. Rumor has it, it’s awesome. :)

8 Lori Hoeck January 4, 2010 at 8:21 am

Hi Vered,
Narcissists can be everywhere, can’t they?

My hope is that those who haven’t “been educated the hard way” by a narcissists can avoid a lot of grief by reading my posts and by you and others passing on the information to teenagers.

Hi Deb,
“doesn’t even begin to describe the dynamic” — so true. Until you’ve been exposed to them for awhile, it is hard to believe a person can be wired so completely differently than functional people.

Hi Barbara,
Thank you and congrats on freeing yourself from their ways!

Our project recently had some help come its way, so now it will be even more awesome!

9 Ricky R November 13, 2010 at 2:34 am

Hello lori, just wanted to say thanx for your free Ebook for clearing things up on a living narcissit, you couldnt had put it more clearly my closest friend and recently girlfriend for 7 months was a clear narcissit i dont know whats happend to me but this subject has become an obsession for me since we split up, to find out why these things in my relasionsip were happening. The pain is actually unbearible and she used every insurecurity i had to bring me down very slowly without evan knowing or careing what would happen to me, i lost my passion, skills and become very antisocial an maybe evan depressed at times with thoughts going round and round in my head for why why why this was all happening , ive left the country for a while and told her i never wanna speak or see her again, its been such a hard dessision and i think her child life trauma is definatly to blame which i have to say is unimaginable for me to understand . Im happy people like you are there for us victims! this experience has made me clued up on narcissits in my life but ive lost a person in my life who i cared for dearly and now shes gone its left me in pieces….. once again thank you soo much for your Ebook i guess its a shame i didnt know about this information along time ago.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Subscribe without commenting

Previous post: Red flag behavior of users and narcissists

Next post: Do you know your bad guys?

Think Like A Black Belt © 2009 All Rights Reserved.