Dealing with narcissists is never comfortable, logical, or simple. They are drama kings and queens of chaos, confusion, and conflict.
Because they are blind and clueless to their own nature, arguing — or just talking to narcissists — is like trying to lasso the wind.
Here are a few recent tweets on Twitter I’ve used to explain some of their ways:
Why are narcissists such crazy-makers?
- Their subconscious creates a false ego from which to relate to the world. They are their own avatar!
- Subconsciously real relationships don’t exist for them. We’re all just players on the narcissists stage.
- They create stories, euphemisms, sayings, definitions, rules they hold up as Truth. Their world is false.
- They must talk about themselves & be in control. They want you to just be an ego-stroking entity for them.
- Their charm is false. Contradict them a few times & you’ll feel their out-of-proportion narcissistic rage.
- Their sole subconscious pursuit is to be seen as God’s gift to the world in a certain area or skill set.
- They don’t use language as communication. It’s for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating.
- Their conversations & interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, & create drama.
- They see personality weaknesses & exploit them as easily as you & I ride a bicycle.
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Very soon, Betsy Wuebker of the blog Passing Thru and I will explore this subject further in a special project we will unveil in January. As writing collaborators, we draw on our extensive experiences with narcissists to offer you an understanding and insight into them that we’ve not seen online before.
That’s all I’m going to reveal for now. Check back for our grand announcement next month!
UPDATE ON MY TWEETS:
Why are narcissists crazy-makers?
- Their blame-shifting creates defensiveness. Then they belittle the defensiveness: “Why are you so angry?”
- Since they shift blame so well & seamlessly, your guilt/insecurity issues stay raw and over-sensitive.
- They lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut off at the knees to keep you indebted & coming back.
- They give you a metaphorical rug & then keep pulling it out from under you
- They are: blowhards, braggarts, blusterers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, and ultimately bogus.
- They can help you gain certain skills/info/connections, but then forever make you feel beholden to them.
- They are extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval.
- They make you feel special & then emotional distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.
- They use a judgmental “you’re OK”/”you’re not OK” yo-yoing to keep you off-balance & “blameworthy.”
- They groom people via manipulation (charm/rage combo) to sell their reality/rationalizations to others.
- Early emotional trauma freezes their worldview at that age,making them immature, impatient, inconsiderate.
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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!
Lori Hoeck
POSTS YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
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Photo credit: Siti Saad
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
So basically, they defy all logic and keep “pulling the rug out from under you.” Can you imagine two narcissists playing off of each other? Oh the power trips.
“So basically, they defy all logic and keep “pulling the rug out from under you.” Can you imagine two narcissists playing off of each other? Oh the power trips.”
I think my ex-narcissist-husband’s new partner (she was the OW he had affair with before we divorced) is also a narcissist. Oh boy, sometimes I would love to be a fly on the wall in their loveboat!
Hi Davina,
It’s not a pretty sight.
Hi SB,
Welcome and thanks for commenting.
Narcissists can partner fairly successfully with some types who crave the drama and the second lead dog position. It is a wicked, weird, and wacky dynamic.
In an ideal world, you would be able to filter out all the narcissists and stay away from them. In the real world, some of them are family or coworkers… impossible to completely stay away.
Sometimes it pays to be up at an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning. I actually read my feedreader and find links to blogs like this. Anything with a fellow female martial artist in it is enough to grab my attention and keep me reading. Add to that an interesting post like this one and you’ve got a winner.
Wicked, weird and wacky doesn’t even begin to describe that dynamic and no matter how you slice it, it’s not pretty.
Thanks for the insight this morning. You can bet I’ll be back for more.
Hi Lori,
You’ve nailed narcissists perfectly. Fortunately I’ve rid myself of those that have been in my life.
Congratulations on yours and Betsy’s upcoming project. Rumor has it, it’s awesome.
Hi Vered,
Narcissists can be everywhere, can’t they?
My hope is that those who haven’t “been educated the hard way” by a narcissists can avoid a lot of grief by reading my posts and by you and others passing on the information to teenagers.
Hi Deb,
“doesn’t even begin to describe the dynamic” — so true. Until you’ve been exposed to them for awhile, it is hard to believe a person can be wired so completely differently than functional people.
Hi Barbara,
Thank you and congrats on freeing yourself from their ways!
Our project recently had some help come its way, so now it will be even more awesome!