Comments on: Watch out for this predator’s super-stealth tool

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:36:49 +0000

Hi Janice,
Feminist have written about how name-calling a woman “Bitch” used to be a powerful and controlling put-down. Thankfully we are becoming more immune to such marginalizing.
And let’s remember, guys can also fall prey to predatory treatment from women in authority.

Hi Barbara,
Keeping our space and not letting others intrude are good boundary setting skills that turn predators away. This doesn’t have to be done with a chip on our shoulder, though. It can be done by acting forthrightly, keeping a relaxed wariness, and meeting life with a strong inner spirit.

By: Barbara Swafford

Barbara Swafford — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 06:42:21 +0000

Hi Lori,

You’ve raised another important issue. There is something to be said about keeping our space and not letting others intrude unless we give them permission. How sad it is to know some are preying on others with an ulterior motive in mind. All the more reason to be alert.

By: janice

janice — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:30:44 +0000

This is such a good post, Lori. It happens so often, women being told they’re frigid, or anal, or up tight – or even conceitedly imagining things – if they complain or draw a line around their personal safety at the very first inkling.

Reading this made me happy that I’m so prepared to be brave, honest and not a sheep who can be intimidated. I have very strong instincts and it would seem daft not to trust them. It’s maybe a shame that we can’t trust as much as we’d like, but there’s a lot of sense in the old adage, better safe than sorry. My instincts got even stronger after I had the kids.

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:49:00 +0000

Hi Davina,
Just being aware that such people exist and not living in denial helps a person pick up on these types more quickly. Eventually we learn to see the sleaze factor from afar.

Hi Patricia,
Tough deal for your youngest daughter! Wow. “The school would not back us” — one thing I know is that schools often cover their butts better than teach their students.

Desensitization and predatory grooming go hand in hand. And the groomers usually have years of practice under their belt to make it ever so smooth.

By: Patricia

Patricia — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:04:31 +0000

Lori,
This is such a good point, my youngest daughter has learning problems and a lesion in the brain area of Long Term Memory – makes it had to retrieve information after two weeks….the kids in high school were always persuading her to do things that were dangerous or out of bounds – like skip class and go to MacDonalds and when she had no money they would persuade her to get it out of her bank account (which had to be linked to our special savings account) one young girl conned her out of $1,000 worth of clothing and goods….and then when we hired private detectives to figure it out….the schools would not back us…we had to change schools and get a restraining order so they could be fair.

I had a professor in grad school in a class where I was the only woman, he kept desensitizing the men in the room, until during the final exam he reached down my blouse and grabbed my breast – none of the men laughed or helped me or would testify against the prof. because they said they were so focused on the exam and getting the grade they needed to progress.

I on the other hand ran my fist straight up into his jaw and ended up breaking his nose….I failed the class and was suspended for the year and removed out of the Master’s in Counseling program.

I have seen Boards of Director’s do this subtle predatory grooming and set up an office to assist the board in firing someone or having them quit….
Good post about important things that can disrupt a life

By: Davina

Davina — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:40:40 +0000

Hi Lori.
This is disconcerting you know? How to know when to trust someone? That question takes me back to intuition and just “knowing”. Makes it even more important to learn how to tune in. Thanks.