Comments on: Using words as a part of self defense http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/ Tips, Tutorials, and How-to for Self Defense Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:32:29 -0700 hourly 1 By: Lori Hoeck http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-426 Lori Hoeck Tue, 25 Aug 2009 16:34:13 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-426 Hi Davina, So true! My worst falls for narcissists or Dark Hearts came from Father Loss issues that include a lack of trust in self. My dad -- and sister -- died a few months apart when I was in second grade. Such things screw with sense of self big time. Hi Davina,
So true! My worst falls for narcissists or Dark Hearts came from Father Loss issues that include a lack of trust in self. My dad — and sister — died a few months apart when I was in second grade. Such things screw with sense of self big time.

]]> By: Davina http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-422 Davina Sat, 22 Aug 2009 18:38:02 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-422 Hi Lori. Setting boundaries is difficult for people who don't value or believe in themselves. I've been in situations where I've been feeling off that day and if/when a situation comes up, I have less energy or desire to stand up for myself. On other days, when I'm feeling great and accepting of life as it is, I can stand up for myself... and not in a reacting way. Hi Lori. Setting boundaries is difficult for people who don’t value or believe in themselves. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been feeling off that day and if/when a situation comes up, I have less energy or desire to stand up for myself. On other days, when I’m feeling great and accepting of life as it is, I can stand up for myself… and not in a reacting way.

]]> By: Lori Hoeck http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-421 Lori Hoeck Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:37:38 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-421 Hi Betsy, Thank you for mentioning the book! Hope the link helps your friends. Hi Barbara Swafford, Not gossiping hurt both my husband and me in different work places because when you don't gossip, you are seen as even more fodder for the backstabbing machine. I'm glad you found someone who agreed with you in the workplace! The power of one is cool, but it's much more fun with the power of two. Hi Barbara Ling, It's ironic, but both narcissists (and control freaks) and falling for their tactics often have roots in insecurity. Once we draw the line in the sand, freedom and sense of self rises dramatically. It's like chains falling off a freed prisoner. Hi Ulla, I hope they are as powerful for you in German as they can be in English! Hi Betsy,
Thank you for mentioning the book! Hope the link helps your friends.

Hi Barbara Swafford,
Not gossiping hurt both my husband and me in different work places because when you don’t gossip, you are seen as even more fodder for the backstabbing machine. I’m glad you found someone who agreed with you in the workplace! The power of one is cool, but it’s much more fun with the power of two.

Hi Barbara Ling,
It’s ironic, but both narcissists (and control freaks) and falling for their tactics often have roots in insecurity. Once we draw the line in the sand, freedom and sense of self rises dramatically. It’s like chains falling off a freed prisoner.

Hi Ulla,
I hope they are as powerful for you in German as they can be in English!

]]> By: Ulla Hennig http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-419 Ulla Hennig Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:15:37 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-419 Lori, this is an excellent post! I will translate those sentences into German and keep them in mind for using when needed. A big thank you! Lori,
this is an excellent post! I will translate those sentences into German and keep them in mind for using when needed. A big thank you!

]]> By: Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-418 Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach Fri, 21 Aug 2009 09:09:22 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-418 Defining boundaries can make your life that much easier. You're the most important person in the world (you really are) and you deserve to be treated with respect. When you internalize the above, you realize...it's OKAY to tell folks, hey, I'm not your punching bad, you WILL treat me well. It's amazing how effective that is. Defining boundaries can make your life that much easier. You’re the most important person in the world (you really are) and you deserve to be treated with respect.

When you internalize the above, you realize…it’s OKAY to tell folks, hey, I’m not your punching bad, you WILL treat me well. It’s amazing how effective that is.

]]> By: Barbara Swafford http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-417 Barbara Swafford Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:47:56 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-417 Hi Lori, When I worked in the corporate world I remember using the one about office gossip as it seemed whomever wasn't there at the time, got talked about. A friend and I made a pact that we wouldn't participate in the negativity, so every time something bad was said about someone (who wasn't there to defend themselves) we played devil's advocate. Soon it was just my friend and I who took breaks together as we got tired of the backstabbing. As you may have guessed, breaks became a joyful experience instead of 15 minutes of negativity. Hi Lori,

When I worked in the corporate world I remember using the one about office gossip as it seemed whomever wasn’t there at the time, got talked about. A friend and I made a pact that we wouldn’t participate in the negativity, so every time something bad was said about someone (who wasn’t there to defend themselves) we played devil’s advocate. Soon it was just my friend and I who took breaks together as we got tired of the backstabbing.

As you may have guessed, breaks became a joyful experience instead of 15 minutes of negativity.

]]> By: Social Media Lesson: Reach out – Listen – Learn http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-415 Social Media Lesson: Reach out – Listen – Learn Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:06:53 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-415 [...] be learned in social media – whether they be lessons from the road courtesy of Betsy Wuebker lessons in self defense from Lori Hoeck,  lessons in the art of possibility from Davina or  lessons in laughter from [...] [...] be learned in social media – whether they be lessons from the road courtesy of Betsy Wuebker lessons in self defense from Lori Hoeck,  lessons in the art of possibility from Davina or  lessons in laughter from [...]

]]> By: Betsy Wuebker http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-413 Betsy Wuebker Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:34:16 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-413 Hi Lori - That is an excellent table! I have forwarded it on to several people I know who are in the midst of a situation. Thanks! Hi Lori – That is an excellent table! I have forwarded it on to several people I know who are in the midst of a situation. Thanks!

]]> By: Lori Hoeck http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-412 Lori Hoeck Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:29:14 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-412 Hi Timothy, I think boundary setting with a narcissist is often like trying to pet an unfriendly dog. The trick is seeing them as a chihuahua instead of the doberman they think they are. Hi Betsy, Stay on message is an excellent point! They do know how to bulldoze and dodge around a lot. Your reference to <em>Coping with Difficult People</em> led me to a good resource: <a href="http://www.userassistance.com/presentations/diff_qref.html" rel="nofollow">Quick Reference for Coping with Difficult People</a>. Hi Timothy,
I think boundary setting with a narcissist is often like trying to pet an unfriendly dog. The trick is seeing them as a chihuahua instead of the doberman they think they are.

Hi Betsy,
Stay on message is an excellent point! They do know how to bulldoze and dodge around a lot.

Your reference to Coping with Difficult People led me to a good resource:
Quick Reference for Coping with Difficult People.

]]> By: Betsy Wuebker http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/blog/using-words-as-a-part-of-self-defense/comment-page-1/#comment-411 Betsy Wuebker Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:35:14 +0000 http://thinklikeablackbelt.com/?p=1355#comment-411 Hi Lori - These are all great. Another thing I learned either in counseling or from the book Coping with Difficult People, is always stay on message. Even if you're repeating the same thing over and over and over again, don't budge. Stand your ground or these people will bulldoze you (even if they're your teenagers LOL). Great post! Hi Lori – These are all great. Another thing I learned either in counseling or from the book Coping with Difficult People, is always stay on message. Even if you’re repeating the same thing over and over and over again, don’t budge. Stand your ground or these people will bulldoze you (even if they’re your teenagers LOL). Great post!

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