I took the verbal bitch slapping and emotional manipulations of a narcissist in a business setting for a number of years. I wanted to leave, but part of me said I would be a quitter if I did, so I stayed for months on end, hoping things would get better.
They never did.
Every attempt to set boundaries was met with disdain and anger. Every new suggestion was shot down or sabotaged. Every attempt to withdraw from the relationship created another firestorm of drama.
I felt powerless and used with no way out. I couldn’t separate his induced sense of guilt in me from my self image. Back then, I would have given anything to have a resource to explain what was going on and give me some answers.
I didn’t realize at the time a narcissist is like an emotional ninja. They appear normal in so many ways, but when it comes to controlling the relationship, they quickly rise to the top. Their greatest weapon is the ability to read your weaknesses and turn them against you without appearing to do so.
Until now, it’s been hard to find practical, actionable ways to see through their crazy-making ways and deal with them.
I’ve tried to write about them here at Think Like A Black Belt, but I always felt like I’d just scratched the surface. Thankfully, one of my readers kept leaving awesome comments that showed me she understood the wily ways of narcissists, too.
After a few emails, Betsy Wuebker of PassingThru.com and I became collaborators on an ebook The Narcissist: A User’s Guide. Energized by our passion for the subject, we tackled a host of topics in the ebook, including
- What creates a narcissistic personality?
- Why can involvement with a narcissist hurt you?
- What are common indicators?
- Questions you can ask someone to help determine if they are a narcissist.
- Why are narcissists so hard to deal with?
- Why are narcissists so effective at what they do?
- What can I say to set a boundary with a narcissist?
- Is the price of caving in worse?
- Why does it seem narcissists crop up more than once?
- Why do some people seem immune to narcissists?
In the “things just keep getting better” category, Betsy and I were blessed to have our ebook professionally designed by Deborah Dorchak of Sirius Graphix at no cost to us. Deb writes about this wonderful and serendipitous collaboration at the Sirius Graphix website. (And you must read her take on narcissists: “Sith Lords in the Real World.”)
I can tell you first hand, Sirius Graphix understands the meaning of collaboration. These four women started out by pooling their skills together and now they’ve continued that tradition by reaching out to others in the same way.
This ebook sparked the idea for their program called “Sirius Inspirations”. Once a month for this year, Sirius Graphix will choose an author who needs a boost to get their ebook out on the web and help them with everything from design to marketing.
The Sirius Ladies understand business, but more importantly, they understand people and how to make a client’s dream come alive.
Betsy says she started this project thinking it would be wonderful if it helped just one person. (Her side of this wonderful story is What Goes Around, Comes Around.)
We’ve already gone way past that with just our sneak peeks of the ebook to family, friends, and online colleagues.
Want to know more? Take a look at
The Narcissist — A User’s Guide
Here’s one person’s reaction after reading the ebook:
I had two narcissists in my life. The first one lasted 16 years, the second one 6 months. Seems I am learning to identify their existence in my life, and impact, faster. But, I sure wish I had the The Narcissist: A User’s Guide during these painful periods.
Recovering from the damage of these relationships was slow, and I thought I had wiped the last trace of their impact on my psyche clean away. But, when I read The Narcissist: A User’s Guide, each word leaped off the page at me and flooded me with relief.
It was like the Roberta Flack lyrics, “strumming my life with his finger,” only Betsy and Lori were strumming my life with their words. They confirmed that everything I experienced was very real. The damage to my psyche was very real. And the length of time it took to recover was very real.
I recommend The Narcissist: A User’s Guide to anyone who suspects they are dealing with a narcissist. You will learn, like me, that you are not crazy. And with this knowledge, you will gain the strength to untangle yourself from the Narcissist trap.
~Eliza Fayle of Silver and Grace
I eventually left the narcissist who’d run rough-shod over my life, talents, and emotions. A final sabotage by him at the deepest levels was the last straw. The peace and calm — translate: lack of drama — that now fills my life is priceless.
Thank you for visiting.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!