Comments on: Dark side of narcissism abuses mind and body

By: Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you?

Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you? — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 23:24:40 +0000

[...] emotional abuses is Gaslighting. Ever heard of it? I hadn’t heard it named until I read a comment by a reader named Deborah a few months [...]

By: Patricia

Patricia — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:20:29 +0000

I am reminded of the first time I ran into a narcissist in my counseling work – it took me a long time to figure out what was going on – it was frightening to figure out how skilled the person was at hiding and hurting others….
I felt so naive, but it was a profound lesson and one I uncovered a number of times more in my career – I was so happy to be prepared and to have learned. I hope my energies and worked helped someone to a better life?

thank you all for sharing this work…more needs to be known and revealed in these areas.

By: Betsy Wuebker

Betsy Wuebker — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:18:37 +0000

Hello Everyone – It seems as though Lori and I have tapped into some kind of more-prevalent-than-we-thought phenomenon. Deborah, I read with interest about “gaslighting” and recently saw the movie on Turner Classics. So many parallels, although if one were to quibble, I’d say many narcissists would never admit malicious intent to themselves, as opposed to Bergman’s husband in that movie.

Hey Lori Newman – I thought I was the only one to witness an intoxicated husband doing what you describe at the foot of our bed. Nice, right?

Davina, you hit it on the head. Our need causes us to seek the approval of someone whom we deem our superior in some fashion, despite the fact that the only evidence to that effect is their assertion that they are! We are definitely more vulnerable (and less attractive to a more centered prospect) when we’re needy.

Julie – I can only imagine what you’ve witnessed. In my own case, I was amazed at how my narcissist verbally manipulated police officers into believing that my husband and I were abusers and scofflaws. Talk about a parallel reality!

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:48:35 +0000

Hi Deborah,
Exactly right!

Sorry for your friend and the revisiting you are having to undergo.

By: Deborah

Deborah — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:41:19 +0000

The psychological term “gaslighting” was taken from this 1940’s movie. When I first watched the movie, it took me 3 or 4 sittings… it was too powerful and too poignant to watch all at once. I have a friend living with this right now, and I am getting to remember..

“Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears – of being abandoned – and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. The abuser is usually a very insecure person. He has a need to put others down in an attempt to make himself feel better. He must be seen as right at all times.” (The Gaslight Effect)

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:27:54 +0000

Hi Diane,
Thank you for commenting!

Hopefully the walking wounded will find the support to set boundaries and work on healthier relationships. The journey of a thousand miles ….

Hi Julie,
Glad you stopped by and left a comment!

Tough work you did! Thank you for the time you spent helping others. Scary stuff.

Hi Deborah,
Gaslight, eh? Name is familiar, not the plot.

“Masterful deception” is right! It’s great, though, to start seeing through it and finding healthier ways to relate.

Thank you for the visit and comment!

By: Deborah

Deborah — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:12:24 +0000

The movie Gaslight (1940 Ingrid Bergman) tells my the story. I looked like the crazy one – the one always screwing up. In reality, I was living with the masterful deception of the alcoholic narcissist who could be so very charming. It is indeed cunning, baffling, and powerful.

By: Julie Jeffs

Julie Jeffs — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 13:56:53 +0000

Reading Lori Newman’s excerpt sent chills up my spine. I was not a victim of a narcissist, I was on the other side of the law, I was in Law Enforcement and spent 4-1/2 years of my career as a detective specializing in Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault/Child Abuse/Child Sexual Assault. This brought back so many memories. I applaud you for bringing these stories to light and I applaud Lori Newman for her courage in telling the story again.

By: Diane Velikis

Diane Velikis — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 02:30:48 +0000

A very good post. I recently wrote an article about a mothers dark scavanger hunt… on my web site. There are so many Crippled Walking Wounded ( hmmm that sounds like a blog ) that are victims from living with people with narcissist behaviours. Drug addicts, alcoholism, and people who are just plain mean, crush the human spirit of the lives they hold in mental bondage. Bravo!!! Good job .
Blessings,
Diane

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:09:20 +0000

Hi Lori Newman,
Thank you!
So many people have said, “I wished I’d had this book earlier in my life.” I just hope we can spread the word far and wide so more folks don’t have to walk our path.

Hi Davina,
There was a certain yin-yang relationship in my case, but you’re right in that the more I woke up to the narcissism and my own worth, the less impact the narci had.