Comments on: Dark side of narcissism abuses mind and body

By: pddf

pddf — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 03:07:45 +0000

My husband started the gaslighting behavior in 2006 after he vehemently brought out that he ahd beens exuallyabused by his mother as a child and ten. He would place my personal things in strange ways, or they would mysteriously disappear. When confronted, he would a) deny it completely, b)admit it but claim no memory, c)tellme I did it to get him in trouble, d)make it sound like a normal occurance, e) make me think I was crazy.. The reprucussions have run the gamet. Separated, reconciled, separated again. I have a list of almost 100 things he did. It started including tampering with my medication in very strange ways.

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 22:23:20 +0000

Hi Margie,
This is something your local domestic violence group can help with. Also, the National Domestic Abuse hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE.

By: margie nobody

margie nobody — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 04:44:49 +0000

after 25 yrs ofabuse, I havefinally come out of the closet and faced the world
my husband is an abuser. He hits me, pushes medown, breaks furniture
drives me to work, but will not pick me up, it takes me 2 hrs by bus to get home.
He has taken all assests and put them in his name only, drinks 3 drinks every
day by 2 pm 7 days a week. Tells me I have no skills, controls the drapes,
windows,dishwasher ,cars. Hehas video cameras set up so I can’t ;move freely
around the house or yard, get to the mail. I have no funds to move,I have no car
in my name. My family claims Icomplain to much, I want a better life.
I did apply for HUD housing, but they want a mailing address, I can’t get mail
here, so what do I do? Helpless age 63in Laguna Niguel.

By: Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you?

Gaslighting, is an abuser using this trap on you? — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 23:24:40 +0000

[...] emotional abuses is Gaslighting. Ever heard of it? I hadn’t heard it named until I read a comment by a reader named Deborah a few months [...]

By: Patricia

Patricia — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:20:29 +0000

I am reminded of the first time I ran into a narcissist in my counseling work – it took me a long time to figure out what was going on – it was frightening to figure out how skilled the person was at hiding and hurting others….
I felt so naive, but it was a profound lesson and one I uncovered a number of times more in my career – I was so happy to be prepared and to have learned. I hope my energies and worked helped someone to a better life?

thank you all for sharing this work…more needs to be known and revealed in these areas.

By: Betsy Wuebker

Betsy Wuebker — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:18:37 +0000

Hello Everyone – It seems as though Lori and I have tapped into some kind of more-prevalent-than-we-thought phenomenon. Deborah, I read with interest about “gaslighting” and recently saw the movie on Turner Classics. So many parallels, although if one were to quibble, I’d say many narcissists would never admit malicious intent to themselves, as opposed to Bergman’s husband in that movie.

Hey Lori Newman – I thought I was the only one to witness an intoxicated husband doing what you describe at the foot of our bed. Nice, right?

Davina, you hit it on the head. Our need causes us to seek the approval of someone whom we deem our superior in some fashion, despite the fact that the only evidence to that effect is their assertion that they are! We are definitely more vulnerable (and less attractive to a more centered prospect) when we’re needy.

Julie – I can only imagine what you’ve witnessed. In my own case, I was amazed at how my narcissist verbally manipulated police officers into believing that my husband and I were abusers and scofflaws. Talk about a parallel reality!

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:48:35 +0000

Hi Deborah,
Exactly right!

Sorry for your friend and the revisiting you are having to undergo.

By: Deborah

Deborah — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:41:19 +0000

The psychological term “gaslighting” was taken from this 1940’s movie. When I first watched the movie, it took me 3 or 4 sittings… it was too powerful and too poignant to watch all at once. I have a friend living with this right now, and I am getting to remember..

“Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears – of being abandoned – and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. The abuser is usually a very insecure person. He has a need to put others down in an attempt to make himself feel better. He must be seen as right at all times.” (The Gaslight Effect)

By: Lori Hoeck

Lori Hoeck — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:27:54 +0000

Hi Diane,
Thank you for commenting!

Hopefully the walking wounded will find the support to set boundaries and work on healthier relationships. The journey of a thousand miles ….

Hi Julie,
Glad you stopped by and left a comment!

Tough work you did! Thank you for the time you spent helping others. Scary stuff.

Hi Deborah,
Gaslight, eh? Name is familiar, not the plot.

“Masterful deception” is right! It’s great, though, to start seeing through it and finding healthier ways to relate.

Thank you for the visit and comment!

By: Deborah

Deborah — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:12:24 +0000

The movie Gaslight (1940 Ingrid Bergman) tells my the story. I looked like the crazy one – the one always screwing up. In reality, I was living with the masterful deception of the alcoholic narcissist who could be so very charming. It is indeed cunning, baffling, and powerful.