Self defense for kids isn’t always learning how to kick and punch. It’s also learning how to think, how to be aware, and how to keep a street-smart mindset.

But how do parents teach kids self defense in the middle of a hectic home and work life?

Why not make it a game?

The following set of activities tune your senses to avoiding danger by discovering how to better scan your environment. As you and your children do these (adapt them for your children’s varying ages), try to stay in code yellow. Take your time to do each activity at your own family’s pace over eight days or so. The more fun you make these activities for yourself or your children, the better they are remembered.

Day one – take a new look

Pull your mind away from the usual ways of eating, working, studying, shopping, and observing your environment. Instead, Think Like A Black Belt. In teaching  self defense for kids, get them thinking about changing their normal patterns to ones of curiosity and awareness:

✦As you take a new, fresh look, what do you notice differently?

✦ Slow your hectic pace and notice what you often take for granted.

✦ Take a second look at cashiers and other faces you often ignore. After you leave, try to recall the color of their hair and eyes. What were they wearing? Were they new or could you even tell?

✦ What is down that alley or hallway you always pass?

✦ Take new –but safe — ways home after work or school.

✦ Does your school or work place have a roof or basement you have never seen? Explore your world — safely and with permission if you are a child — as if for the first time.

Day two – see with new eyes

Try to look at your world through the eyes of another – through the eyes of a pet, criminal, movie producer, alien,  superhero, or an adult if you are a child, or child if you are an adult – anything to make you witness the world through a fresh set of eyes. Pretend you are an undercover FBI agent looking for the world’s most wanted criminal.

✦ How does the world look with these new eyes?

✦ Does anything new, odd, or surprising pop out?

✦ Does the change in perspective tell you anything about your usual view of the world?—

Day three – listen closely

Use your ears like never before. Listen to everything you can at home, work, and outside. Self defense for kids and adults includes using all the senses.

✦ Can you hear how sound vibrates and voices echo in a room as you or someone else moves around in it?

✦ Do you notice how someone standing in your bedroom doorway can affect the sounds filtering in from the rest of the house?

✦ How do machine noises, such as the washer or dryer, diminish your ability to hear what else is going on in ear shot?

✦ Could you hear a window being broken?

✦ How about the neighborhood — can your neighbors hear you if you were to yell for help? Could you hear them?—

Day four – see around corners

Pay attention to what you can and can’t see – notice reflections in car windows, glass doors, windows, and framed pictures.

✦ What metallic objects in your house reflect images? Even if they are distorted images, reflections reveal motion.

✦ What areas around your car can you see with mirrors? Where are the blind spots?

✦ How about areas outside your home – what can you see or not see from your windows, from the front door?—

Day five – have a nose for danger

Notice how scent enters and fades into the environment – could you smell a would-be attacker who is a heavy smoker hiding in your car’s back seat?

✦ Can you smell cooking odors around the house in differing levels?

✦ How does it smell different in your house or workplace with a window open?

✦ What does your workplace or school smell like?

✦ How quickly could you smell smoke if a fire erupted in the staff lounge microwave or in the school kitchen?

✦ Does a smell that greets you coming home through the front door let you know someone has fixed a snack?—

Day six – find escape routes

Look in your home and at school for possible escape routes in case of fire or attack.

✦ Where could you hide from an attacker?

✦ Where are the places of concealment (hiding) and cover (protected from weapon’s fire)?

✦ Also, remember where fire extinguishers and telephone land line are located.—

Day seven – note your outside environment

Take the time to look more closely at your neighborhood and the world outside your workplace or school.

✦ Are there people nearby you could make friends with or on whom you could call, in case of emergency?

✦ Where are the dead ends? How about the best places to run if attacked?

✦ Go look at night as well as in the daytime — how does your neighborhood change between morning and night?—

Day eight – put it all together

Let all your senses drift to other rooms while at school, work, and home. Try to guess what is going on by visualizing in your mind’s eye where different people are standing or sitting based on what your senses are saying along with the wisdom of your past experience.

✦ Can you picture how people are facing each other by how their voices sound or echo about the rooms?

✦ Does a sudden whiff of perfume or a familiar cough let you know a certain coworker has entered that other room?

✦ Can you recognize which of your family members is treading across the floor in the other room?–

Now that your senses and those of your children have been aired out and fine tuned, feel free to repeat these activities and to enhance them with your own special touch that will help your children learn self-defense thinking as a life style and mindset.

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Thank you for visiting!

This material is from my e-book on self defense, Think Like A Black Belt: Take Charge of Your Own Safety. More information and free downloads of the book can be found here.

Lori Hoeck

Photos:
“Batman”: Banjo Brown
“Rabbit Headed Kid”: di_the_huntress
Cat nose: psyberartist

I’ve been thinking of a gift to give everyone for 2010:

• What thank you present can I give my readers that will take you more powerfully into a new decade?
• What gift can I give you to vastly increase your awareness skills and vigilance?
• What can I offer that you can also use to teach the same things to your children?

As my readers know, true self defense is more than just strikes, blocks, and kicks. Self defense is a mindset that must be melded with sharpened street-smarts and an enhanced awareness. So to help you, your co-workers, or your family discover how to do this, I’m offering all the best tips I use in self defense seminars for free in a self defense ebook:

I’m offering my self defense ebook, Think Like A Black Belt: Take Charge Your Own Safety, for FREE.

Yes, Free!
Get it by clicking HERE

(Hey, this is a $19.95 value!)

Inside my e-book’s beautifully presented, information-filled 115 pages, you will discover:

• 15 powerful techniques to spot the bad guys and avoid them
• How to use your own Inner Warrior’s radar system
• A bonus section on specific steps to increase awareness skills

Easy to Learn, Pro-active Self Defense!

I guarantee you will find no fluff inside! It is jam-packed with practical information and actionable tips.

No, you won’t learn how to do a jump kick or knife-hand strike.

Thinking like a black belt means thinking ahead, wearing a wary eye, and presenting yourself to the world in a way that makes you less visible to the criminals and predators who populate your life.

Now you can learn how to do this for FREE!

Free Companion Newsletter

Also included is a unique, companion newsletter that goes beyond my e-book or my website information and articles. Newsletter subscribers will take a journey of discovery into higher-level black belt thinking — the kind that builds inner strength and the mind of a gentle, but savvy, warrior.

Thank you making this site a growing and powerful voice for self defense!

Be sure to invite your friends, family, Facebook folks, and forum groups to come visit for their own free downloaded copy, too!

Quality martial arts training — be it Okinawan karate, tae kwon do, tai chi, aikido, escrima, or any other style – is powerful.

The process takes new students and transforms them in ways tangible and intangible: weaknesses become strengths, the shy become confident, and the arrogant learn humility.

How does it work?  And for the purposes of my series on bullying (here are parts one and two): Can it work for the bullied as well?

Yes and no. Uncaring parents, violent environments, and other negative influences can prevent training from being effective.

But a quality instructor can work miracles with students. Even a decent instructor can help. The reason is found in the process of training. It traces back thousands of years. A lot of the bugs have been worked out.

Here are five keys to why karate training works, followed by suggestion on where to find them outside the martial arts:

Challenge
Earning a quality level black belt takes four years of consistently hard work. No shortcuts allowed. In return, a student gains prestige, a sense of accomplishment, and priceless confidence. Challenges awaken the human passion to explore undiscovered territory. A good challenge pulls the best from us.

✦  Challenges like those in the martial arts can’t be found in 10 hours of online game playing or from being a couch potato. Toastmasters, volunteering, being in a play, sports, extended travel, having a motivational mentor, and wilderness trips are just a few places challenges can be found.

Just by hefting the backpack called Challenge up to our shoulders, we automatically overcome the first major obstacle of inertia.

Failure
It is the bread to a PBJ. It is the headphones to an iPod. It is the lips to a kiss. Muy importante!  Helicopter parents need to understand it as well. No one gets a jump spinning reverse crescent kick the first time. But when students can to it well,  success is all that much sweeter, because they alone own it. Failure is but a stepping stone to success. Knowing this truth kicks insecurity out of our lives.

✦  Unfortunately, family culture often dictates how we view failure. My family ridiculed it, so attempts at success seemed too risky. Fortunately research gives proof those family cultures are wrong. Kids need to read up on this. A Google search, for example, on “stories of failures and success” yielded this:

“When those with growth mind-sets fail at a task, {Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck} detects them entering a more focused mental state as they try to figure out their mistake. And in subsequent trials, they improve. In effect, they’ve learned, and their brains have “grown.” Those with fixed mind-sets, however, never enter this focused state of learning and show little, if any, advancement.” *

Looking in the Mirror
Karate students must face their own fears, doubts, and limitations. Blaming, whining, pettiness, bossiness, giving less than 100 percent, big egos – none of these are part of true martial arts mastery. The process of training helps students overcome their own worst enemy – themselves.

✦  Lots of self help books claim to help us over our self-limiting thought processes. Some help; some don’t. I found reading about the Enneagram personality system helped. Blogging at SpaceAgeSage.com for a year helped. Dr. Wayne Dyer’s stuff is great reading, including his latest, Excuses Begone. Finding a mentor or hero or historical figure who overcame fear helps. The greatest force for change, however, is dedication to self improvement.

Less is more
Traditional martial arts training is a stair-step process based on over a thousand years of success. Learning too fast creates more ego than quality or genuine confidence. Belt colors are a relatively new invention, but they are handy measuring markers nonetheless. Each learning step also adds much-needed layers of experience that boost confidence with in-class consistency and remove insecurity via repeated successes.

✦ Goals set up with small, manageable steps help keep desired outcomes in mind. An EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) class is a great example of a goal broken down into easily learned parts. Learning some dance moves , taking up a hobby that requires a fun learning curve, or committing to a Scouting program can help develop an ability to succeed, one step at a time.

Support & mentoring
Whether a quality teacher is called “Sensei,” “Sabunim,” “Instructor,” or something else, the person represents “One who has gone before” — in other words, someone who has traveled this road and who is willing to take students on the same journey. No fakes allowed. The person must command respect, not constantly demand it. The power of encouragement and example from such mentors can not be underestimated.

✦ It is surprising how far a little kindness, some attention, consistent encouragement, a motivational challenge, and being a good example goes. Teachers, coaches, community leaders, business people, and someone already in a person’s field of interest can be mentors. The trick is not to come across as too emotionally needy or as a time suck to the mentor.

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These five keys work in the martial arts because they combine in a constant, flowing, and interconnected process dedicated to improvement. To bully-proof a child or an adult, more than one key should be layered with another. The results will be confidence, tenacity, and a mindset for success.

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

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*Readers Digest article by Joe Kita
Photo Credit: fireflythegreat ( road sign)

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I happened to catch Dr. Phil’s TV show the other week on bullying. He covered the need for self esteem and the importance of not buying into derogatory, verbal bullying, but the sh0w was a little light on practical tips. It seems a lot of people can tell you why it happens, but not how to stop it.

FOR KIDS: Three ways to avoid a bully’s targeting or profiling:

Body language
Ask yourself this: Once babies can sit up, do they slouch, keep their eyes down, hunch their shoulders, breathe shallow, or hold their arms rigidly against their bodies? Neither did you. Re-discover the body’s natural posture — it shows you are unafraid.

Think about how your hero walks and talks. Batman does not slouch or avert his eyes from his environment. Even comic book characters can have great body language and so can you. The more fluidly and synchronously (left and right sides equally strong) you walk, the more secure and confident you look.

I had the opportunity to teach self defense and awareness skills to a group of teenagers who had court-ordered counseling. They’d all broken the law in a minor way. Unlike strong-willed, fairly well-adjusted, and confident kids, these teens sat with arms and legs pulled in as if to take the smallest space possible. Some held a couch pillow in front of them or they hid behind long hair. Their body language screamed insecurity.

Bullies can read this type of insecure body language and may consider it an indication of vulnerability. People who are comfortable in their own skin don’t try to make themselves smaller or move with hesitancy. Confidence is a lot about looking comfortable, so learn to relax your body and face and breathe naturally.

Voice
Deeper voices imply confidence and authority. Recall how exasperated parents or teachers sound as their voices rise higher and higher in anger. You know they really mean business when their voices drop lower. Learn to drop your voice, especially at the ends of sentences (instead of having an inflection upward as if you are unsure.)

In karate classes for kids, I’ve called up students one at a time and then had older teens, who are instructors, walk up menacingly to them, demanding money or their lunch. The students learn to take a shoulder-width stance, hold up their hands palms out, and say “No. Back off! Leave me alone.”

At first try, they often giggle, or hold their arms or fingers too rigidly, or they use timid voices, their eyes bug-eyed with anxiety. With practice, they soon discover their Inner Warrior and speak with power, authority, and confidence radiating from them. Once they discover they can project confidence with their demeanor and voice, they can apply it in class, during job interviews, or in self defense.

Boundary setting
If you don’t set boundaries on your time, money, intimacy, skills, resources, and emotions, someone else will. It’s OK to say “No” when your well-being is at stake.

Practice the "I'm too bored to be bothered with your bullying" look.

In a deep, authoritative voice and with shoulders back and good eye contact, learn to say, “No. I don’t like it when you stand too close/mess with my stuff/pull my hair/try to touch me.” Practice saying things like this in a mirror or practice with close, trustworthy friends. If you can make your friends wonder if you are really acting or not, you’re getting close to where you need to be.

If you want to stand up for yourself, you have to do it with boundary setting and by setting a tone in the relationship where you respond instead of react. You want to do this in ways that won’t escalate things or show anger and frustration. You can use a firm, low, but unemotional voice and say things like:

• “Look, I know you are trying to hurt me by saying that. There’s nothing cool or good about what you are doing.”
• “You can say what you want, but it doesn’t make it true.”
• “This is my stuff. Leave. It. Alone.”
• “I don’t like when you tell racist jokes.”
• “Stop. I don’t like that. No one does.”
• “I don’t agree that you have a right to judge my appearance, to put me on your 1-10 scale for beauty, or to make comments on my clothing.”
• “It’s not OK to talk to me like that.”
• “It’s not OK to call me that.”

And when they reply, “Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?”, you can look bored, sigh dramatically (which shows you are in control of your emotions and the pace of the conversation), and simply say: “Nice try” or “I am not amused.”

If you aren’t tongue-tied, you might try, “I’m not going to snap to and follow that prompting. My life is about more than responding to your taunts. Go try that on your buddies. I’m. Just. Not. In. The. Mood.”

If they mock you by repeating your words back at you in a “sissy” voice, you can say enthusiastically, “Thank you. I love it when you follow my lead like that!” Or, as I wrote before, you can look bored, sigh dramatically, and say, “Nice try.”

FOR PARENTS:
As a senior martial arts instructor, I’ve worked with kids who bully, kids who have been bullied, and parents who were bullied as kids who don’t want their kids to go through the same thing. Bullies and the bullied are caught in a nasty, reciprocal relationship. Both need different reality checks. They need a challenge and healthy support from parents or older mentors who care.

After students know I’m the real deal and I care about them, I can take them aside and help them re-frame bullying. It involves “naming their game,” throwing down a challenge, and showing them the power of personal choice:

For example I might take a bully aside and say:

“I hear you are bullying your siblings and some smaller kids at school. Karate students aren’t supposed to be the bad guys. We are supposed to be the good guys. Being bossy, pushy, controlling, or threatening other kids is bad-guy behavior. You are a good kid. I know it. You know it. Your behavior, though, isn’t showing it right now. We all have the ability to make choices. Bullying may seem cool and you may find yourself getting attention from it — whoop-de-freakin’-do — you know it’s not right. You know how bad it would feel if I started harassing you, calling you names in class, and putting your parents down in front of other parents. I would never do that. I’m a black belt and a karate instructor. I’m one of the good guys. Look, I don’t even care if everyone you know bullies. As martial artists, we have higher standards to live up to. You need to know I can’t promote people to higher ranks if I think they are going to hurt and bully others. If you want to get your next belt color, things will have to change. You will have to make some different choices in how you treat people. If you want attention, get it the positive way by working hard in class and changing your behavior. I’ll check back with you next week on how this is going.”

And to a bullied student, I might say:

“I’ve noticed in class that you act like a wallflower. Your karate yells are still timid and you look down a lot. In class, you do what you must, but at the same time, you do it to keep yourself invisible, like you don’t want anyone to notice you. That won’t cut it here. Do you think black belts get to that rank by never putting themselves out there in class or by acting timid, shy, and self conscious? Do you think Bruce Lee, The Rock, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, or Randy Couture got where they are by letting their inner wallflower win over their inner warrior? You are tougher than you think, stronger than you imagine. I see that more confident kid inside you, wanting to come out. I saw it when you stepped up to help the new white belts find a place for their gear bags. I know you have it in you. Now you need to wake up to that. It doesn’t take much muscle to hold your head up, keep your shoulders back proudly, and develop a firm, authoritative voice. I’m teaching you hard-to-learn punches and kicks most adults have trouble with. How many people do you know who can do the jump front kick like you? So I know you have the necessary heart, the determination, and the inner toughness. Let those things fire you up to stand tall and speak with authority and certainty. I’ll check back with you next week on how this is going for you.”

Note: If a student were to see any hypocrisy in me, those kinds of talks would never work. Parents and mentors must be there for the kids in ways the kids appreciate and understand. Low self esteem is learned. It’s time to change the learning environment. Read, research, and ready yourself to find healthy ways to help children discover the wonders of inner strength. (More on this in future posts.)

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I’m writing more on this subject, including the underlying reasons why martial arts training works so well in building self confidence. Please subscribe for free here or get updates via email here. You can also check out this earlier post: Using words as a part of self defense.

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Top photo: Photos8.com
Bottom photo: Peekature Studios

The kidnapping of Jaycee Lee Dugard is horrific not only in scope of time — 18 years — but in the depravity of her captors Phillip and Nancy Garrido.

Many of us would like to put our head in the sand about such crimes. We want to think the Garridos are an anomaly. We turn a blind eye to reality and think that such nightmares can never happen to our children in our neighborhood.

I wish that was true.

I’ve talked with a counselor for the department of corrections whose job it is to get these types like Phillip Garrido to talk about their crimes.

It is not something you want to hear. Suffice it to say, some predators purposely stir their fantasies by just brushing up against a child in a store. It can happen in an instant — and you may never know — but that brief moment can feed these predators’ thoughts and imaginings in ways we think only exist in horror film or books.

Educate yourself
It’s time to rip the veil of aversion and denial off our eyes. It’s time for parents to give children the physical, mental, and emotional tools to become safer, stronger, and smarter.

I created this site to teach non-martial artists skills and savviness for physical, mental, and emotional self defense. It’s also for parents to discover and pass on street smarts to their kids.  Think Like a Black Belt is still growing, but more information and skill sets are added at least weekly. I plan to use more video, create newsletters on self defense for parents of small children, and do interviews with people on the front lines of crime prevention and security.

But whether you use my site or other sites or take classes in your area, do something! You may not have all the answers, but the answers are out there. Find them and share them with your kids.

Start the conversation
Talk to your children about these topics in age-specific ways. Start a conversation with them. For teens, you might discuss topics and questions such as:

1. What do you think you would do if you had been kidnapped like Jaycee? (The kidnappers allegedly used a stun gun on her during the kidnapping. How would that change things?)
2. If you are walking alone on a road or street, what can you do to keep safer?
3. What classes do you want to take to increase your confidence?
4. Do you know how to break free from someone who grabs you or how to break free from panic?
5. Let’s talk about abusive authority figures and how to handle them.
6. Emotional predators have special methods to control and manipulate you. Let’s explore how they do this.
7. How do you know when to trust someone?
8. When in danger or emergencies, what things can you do to help yourself or others?
9. What does “survival” mean to you when it comes to violence?
10. What code word do we want to use to let everyone in the family know a message from a stranger is valid or to indicate we can’t talk freely?

This is our reality.

Let’s face it wisely and confidently.

If you have a specific question about this topic, feel free to leave a comment.

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Other posts on kids and self defense:

• 21 self defense questions you (and your teenagers) may want to think about
• Self defense and kids — how-to for parents

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

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For more information about keeping yourself safer and teaching your children to do the same, check out my e-book Think Like a Black Belt, Take Charge of Your Own Safety.

Photo credit: jvh33

Intuition. It’s the best piece of armor in anyone’s self defense arsenal.

Why?

Everyone’s Inner Warrior (yes, you have one!) has feelers out into the world like the stands of a spider web. Intuition reads when danger hits those strands. Your conscious mind could be clueless about the impending emergency, but intuition picks it up in a flash.

In my previous Think Like A Black Belt articles on this subject, many people commented to me that they weren’t sure about their “inner knowing.” They couldn’t tell if their intuition was talking to them or if the impressions they were receiving were just deep-seated worry.

I recently ran across a great explanation of why some of us don’t trust our gut instinct. In her book Bird by Bird, author Anne Lamott spends a chapter explaining intuition from a writer’s point of view. In it she notes:

“When we listened to our intuition when we were small and then told the grown ups what we believed to be true, we were often either corrected, ridiculed, or punished … If you asked innocently, “Why is Mom in the bathroom crying?,” you might be told, “Mom isn’t crying; Mom has allergies.” Or if you said, “Why didn’t Dad come home last night?,” you might be told brightly, “Why Dad did come home last night, but then he left again very early.” And you nodded, even though you knew these were lies, because it was important to stay on the adults’ good side … So you may have gotten in the habit of doubting the voice that was telling you quite clearly what was really going on.”

Lamott believes intuition is an important ingredient for writers. She adds, “You get your confidence and intuition back by trusting yourself, by being militantly on your own side … you get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind.”

This is true in self defense as well.

With her deft humor she adds that intuition may need coaxing “because intuition is a little shy.” Her remedy is to realize intuition comes and goes at first and may wilt from too much forcefulness, “So try to calm down, get quiet, breathe, and listen. Squint at the screen in your head, and if you look you will see what you are searching for …”

Lamott also  advocates finding a name or metaphor for you own inner sight. The author — being the odd sort she is — calls hers “broccoli.”

As a martial artist, that doesn’t quite cut it for me! Maybe “my animal self” or “my inner guide” or “my Gandalf,” but not any names of vegetables!

How about you? Can you think of a name for your intuition that will give you a better handle on it?

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SIMILAR ARTICLES ON THIS SUBJECT:

• How our intuition warns of danger
• Intuition — first self defense weapon of choice
• Getting to know your intuition

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Photo credits: Top cybershotking and  Carolyn Coles

As a martial artist, I know self defense techniques I hope never to use. When I became a volunteer firefighter and emergency medical technician (EMT), I found myself in reality-based training sessions that could make your hair curl — figuratively and literally.

As professionals, we prepare for the worst because it saves lives.

Most of us don’t like to think of the worst case scenarios when it comes to self defense. Denial seems to be a sweeter, softer place. But parents can’t have that luxury. Parents sign on to help their children grow up and be strong and to give them the tools for success they need in life.

Wise parents prepare their children for best case and worst case scenarios in all areas of life because it saves so much physical, mental, and emotional pain.

I know it’s difficult to take a hard look at the list of questions below. They represent dangerous situations, and no one ever wants to feel inadequate or fearful at anytime in their life.

But, as I wrote in my post How would you face danger or disaster?, if a person has never thought through danger, disaster, or self defense, they may be empty of options when disaster strikes.  However, the more you think through your options beforehand, the more able your responses.

People with even a small sense of control over their situation perform better that those who believe they have no control. When you realize you have options, you are enabled to take more effective action.

Please look over these questions and play some What Would I Do? scenarios through your mind. This is by no means an exhaustive list. You may know of similar instances from your life or stories told by friends or family members. When you are done, talk to your high school teenagers and help them visualize their options as well:

✦  How far will I go to defend myself?

✦ What if someone walks into my school with a gun?

✦ What if someone picks a fight at a party? At a bar? At a family gathering?

✦ What if I’m in a store or bank that’s being robbed?

✦ What if my plane is hijacked?

✦ What if someone enters my church with a bomb?

✦ What can I do if attacked by more than one person?

✦ What will I do if the office sleaze propositions me?

✦ What if I wake up and a stranger is standing by my bed?

✦ What if I notice my front door lock is tampered with?

✦ What if I forget to monitor my drink at a party?

✦ What will I do if I get a text message that a shooter is in my building?

✦ What if someone starts showing road rage and tries to hit my car?

✦ What if a noise wakes me up, and I hear an intruder in the house?

✦ What if another parent at a youth sporting event threatens or strikes me?

✦ What if I work at a convenience store and someone pulls a gun on me?

✦ What if a date gets possessive in a way that freaks me out?

✦ What if my date starts to undress me and won’t listen to my objections?

✦ What if I’m walking by myself and notice someone following me?

✦ What if my car breaks down on the road, with no nearby help?

✦ What if my boss threatens to fire me if I don’t start dating him?

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For more information about keeping yourself safer and teaching your children to do the same, check out my e-book Think Like a Black Belt, Take Charge of Your Own Safety. Also, please leave a comment below if you have a question or thoughts on this subject.

Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Kids and karate are a blast. They love discovering the power of their mind and bodies. Teaching them to be street smart and cunning, however, takes more work, mainly from parents.

Here are some basic tips to help you get started on teaching younger kids about personal safety and self defense:

1) Rate their level
Get inside their heads and rate their understanding of personal safety, trust, awareness, actions bad guys might take, and their own sense of self. One young girl was molested in a superstore’s bathroom and went silent because she was taught to be quiet in public. Discuss self defense – just call it “safety” if you want — with your children and see where they are mentally and emotionally. For younger kids ask questions like:

• What do “safe” and “unsafe” mean?
• Who is safe for you to talk with?
• What does “be confident and strong” mean to you?
• What is “trust” and how do you know who to trust?
• If you thought you were in danger, what would you do?

2) Rational delivery
As they grow up, kids learn

• not to play with matches,
• to look both ways when crossing the street
• to buckle up in the car
• don’t eat the gum from under tables
• wash their hands before eating

Usually, these lessons come with a fairly matter-of-fact tone of voice. There’s no reason to dwell on the horror of not doing these things. (My older brothers had that role.) Healthy fear is a good thing; worry and anxiety are not. Self defense is best taught as a common, everyday awareness and skill.

3) Rules
Basic rules for safety or self defense can become as much a part of the family culture as “Don’t play with matches.”  Here are a few:

• Have a safety password. This is an easy-to-remember word or phrase like “popcorn” everyone in the family secretly knows. A child should never leave with a person claiming to be “someone who knows your parents” but who doesn’t know the password, unless approved of by a teacher or coach.

• Teach children that adults don’t ask kids, especially little kids, for help, directions, or the time. Tell them to run from them and report it.

• Let children know that if they are being chased or followed:

1. Start yelling “Fire! Fire! Fire!”
2. Run toward more people and more light
3. Get attention from store clerks
4. Find help from moms with children, security people, or police officers
5. Once they get attention, stop yelling “Fire” and ask for help

4) Role playing
Put together different scenarios you, friends, and your children can act out. Keep it simple, but serious enough so it doesn’t become a comedy or laughing fest for the child:

Bad Stranger: Oh, please, can you help me? I’ve lost my poor, little puppy. Here’s a photo; let me show you. (Tries to get close enough to grab or intimidate)
Child: (Running away)  Fire! Fire! Fire! (Deep, loud, and obnoxiously repetitive)
Second Adult: What is it kid?
Child: Call 9-1-1! Stranger attack! (Points in direction of attacker)

5) Repetition
It’s tough for younger kids, ages 4-5, to ignore the attention of a stranger wanting them to save the day and find the lost puppy or rabbit. It’s also hard for them to not want a shiny gift or candy. It’s even harder to run from a person who threatens them or their family. Helping kids think through their own safety, giving them plans of action in case of danger, and covering the material frequently, but not frantically, will help them develop stronger self defense skills.

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In a future article on Self Defense for Kids, I’ll write about my experiences teaching Mini Ninjas — a class for students ages 4-5.

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck