Statutes of nine African-American teenagers who stood up to an angry crowd protesting integration in front of Little Rock's Central High as they entered the school for the first time.

As a long-time martial artist and senior instructor, I’ve seen people stumble or argue over the idea of a Peaceful Warrior or “learning to fight so you don’t ever have to.”

There is a balance between inner strength that leads to peace and the inner warrior that honors self and society by being ever ready to prevail against evil with weapons or wiliness.

But there is a type of defense against injustice and the forces of darkness that requires a completely different approach than what most martial artist or combat trained individuals would advocate.

It’s called nonviolent protest. Martin Luther King Jr. advocated it as well as Gandhi and Lech Walesa. The idea is to achieve cultural, social or political goals via symbolic marches and protests, civil disobedience, non-cooperation, and other nonviolent means. (It’s not the same as defending yourself against a rapist, thief, or home intruder.)

The protesters believe suffering for a moment at the hands of the unjust (as being beaten by police or knocked down with water hoses) will eventually awaken and win the hearts and minds of the majority. They are willing to put themselves on the line to improve the lives of all, especially future generations.

The Five Principles of Nonviolence

from Martin Luther King, Jr.

1.  Non-violent resistance is not a method for cowards. It does resist. The nonviolent resister is just as strongly opposed to the evil against which he protests, as is the person who uses violence. His method is passive or nonaggressive in the sense that he is not physically aggressive toward his opponent, but his mind and emotions are always active, constantly seeking to persuade the opponent that he is mistaken. This method is passive physically but strongly active spiritually; it is nonaggressive physically but dynamically aggressive spiritually.

2.  Nonviolent resistance does not seek to defeat or humiliate the opponent, but to win his friendship and understanding. The nonviolent resister must often express his protest through noncooperation but he realizes that noncooperation is not the ends itself; it is merely means to awaken a sense of moral shame in the opponent.

3.  The attack is directed against forces of evil rather than against persons who are caught in those forces. It is a struggle between justice and injustice, between the forces of light and the forces of darkness.

4.  Nonviolent resistance avoids not only external physical violence, but also internal violence of spirit. At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love.

5. Nonviolence is based on the conviction that the universe is on the side of justice. It is the deep faith in the future that allows a nonviolent resister to accept suffering without retaliation. The nonviolent resister knows that in his struggle for justice, he has a cosmic companionship.

Here is the Pledge MLK’s followers were expected to take and fulfill when involved with non-violent protests:

1.   As you prepare to march meditate on the life and teachings of Jesus

2.   Remember the nonviolent movement seeks justice and reconciliation – not victory.

3.   Walk and talk in the manner of love; for God is love.

4.   Pray daily to be used by God that all men and women might be free.

5.   Sacrifice personal wishes that all might be free.

6.   Observe with friend and foes the ordinary rules of courtesy.

7.   Perform regular service for others and the world.

8.   Refrain from violence of fist, tongue and heart.

9.   Strive to be in good spiritual and bodily health.

10. Follow the directions of the movement leaders and of the captains on demonstrations.

Courage takes many forms. It’s easy to start a fight. And quite frankly it’s easy to end one, too, if you are trained. But to face suffering willingly without throwing a punch back, without hurling insults, without doing anything but allowing the world to witness the injustice — even though you know you could extricate yourself from the situation — well, that’s a unique courage few have the stomach to take.

Would you take this approach and this pledge if you wanted to march or protest against something you considered unjust?

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Lori Hoeck

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Photo:  Steve Snodgrass

The smash technopop hit Bulletproof sung by Elly Jackson of the musical duo La Roux speaks to that desire we all have to find place where fear and doubt are banished behind a skilled resolve not to be hurt by unsafe people.

(Face it, with a hairdo akin to Woody Woodpecker, Jackson has to have some thick skin and a fairly bulletproof ego. OK, it’s just a persona for the stage, but still…)

Don’t we all want that level of confidence and that comfort within our own skin? You know, that often elusive point where we own our lives so completely no one–even our lesser selves–can push our buttons, manipulate our emotions, or intimidate us. It’s what this site is all about, learning to Think Like A Black Belt.

How does it happen?

Training

This can be intentional or not, but it must be either ongoing or more reality based than not.  As a martial artist and Emergency Medical Technician (EMT), I trained for years. No syllabus or pop quizzes came with my time on the family farm, wilderness camping, and pushing the envelope of life experiences, but the lessons from them last a lifetime.

Whatever the training, it must push us beyond our comfort zone.

Trial by Fire

This is an experience so long, intense, or pivotal, our soul is bared in a supernova blast. Suddenly we peer deeply into who and what we are.  At this point we say, “This is not working! I’m changing things starting right now!” Those who hit bottom in their addiction and turn their lives around have a similar trial by fire of the inner kind.

True Moments

A good quote summing this one up is:

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

As the main care provider for my mother, who has Alzheimer’s and dementia, I’ve been pushed beyond normal levels of patience and creative ways to honor her. Opting out of a convenience mindset and doing the right thing often brings us to true grit moments that instill inner strength.

Notice all three of the above methods don’t fit the couch-potato personality. Nor can we find our way through them very far if we have too many issues, like addictions, weighing us down and keeping us in denial.

“Denial loves the darkness of half-truths and self-medicating narratives. Maturity requires the full light of courage, love, and perseverance.”

and

“Maturity consists of no longer being taken in by oneself.”  Proverb

So, to sum up — to Think Like a Black Belt is to think beyond the you of right now and value positive change enough to embrace the more bulletproof (mature) person you can become.

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What do you think of the song or becoming bulletproof?

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Lori Hoeck

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If you liked this post, you’ll like:

To take a stand takes courage, ownership

Self defense and owning your survival

Independence Day Song for Targets of Narcissists

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Photo: stusev

I love this line in the song by Sara Bareilles King Of Anything: “Who cares if you disagree? You are not me”

I heard this today and had to make it an Independence Day song for those dealing with (or done with) their narcissist, crazy maker, unsafe person, or emotional manipulator. Here’s the link to the video.

VIDEO:  Sara Bareilles KING OF ANYTHING

{Excerpts from the lyrics. NOT THE FULL SONG.}

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

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I don’t have to tell you, but you can decide “it is your turn to decide.”

Photo: Kalyano2

The most amazing thing about firefighters and emergency response people is their use of common sense and an ability to think in the midst of chaos. Firefighters especially learn to adapt whatever is at hand to put the situation more in their favor.

As farmers in Oklahoma, my family and I joked that we could fix anything with “some bubble gum and a little baling wire.” We also had enough sense of competition and pride to not just “make do” with what we had, but to create something better, stronger, and more functional that something bought in a store for the same purpose.

The ability to see beyond problems that a firefighter or farmer might encounter requires common sense deeply rooted in a broad type of situational awareness.

COMMON SENSE
Common sense means different things to different people. From my roots in rural, small-town American to my years in the martial arts and emergency response, I see it as the ability to integrate experiences. To me common sense is:

A knowing or perception regarding nature or human nature that allows a person to integrate situational variables or to extrapolate from a situation the best and most positive results.

Such wisdom is not based on specialized knowledge or advanced education. Rather, it comes from exposure to people or experiences that foster this awareness.

The opposite of common sense, then is unsound judgment or misperception regarding nature or human nature. I’ve witnessed such lack of common sense more among those who gain information from book learning as opposed to first hand experience or immersion into a situation.

BLOOD & GUTS
You can read about firefighting or farming or the martial arts for years, but until you roll up your sleeves, get dirt under your fingernails, or even shed a little blood from intense effort, you can’t understand the true nature what it is to be a firefighter, farmer, or martial artist.

So how does this apply to self defense and how to Think Like A Black Belt?

Everything and nothing.

Nothing because even a totally untrained and scared to death mother of a 3-year-old can kick an attacker’s butt because the mothering instinct and protective rage is so intense it drives her to heroic efforts.

Everything because most self defense is having a wary eye, being street smart, and staying in code yellow. To me these are common sense, but I find many people don’t think about them at all. Why?

The Needy Now
As a nation, my generation and my parent’s generation failed to teach common sense. Instead, lessons helped a generation focus on the needy moment at hand. This makes moments in life segregated, not integrated. We react to a news story and not the background issues. We react to a situation at school or work, but not the deeper historical or emotional variables. We want something to happen right now, and we are unwilling to let time take its course.

And as for self defense, many will see it outside the needy moment of right now, and not prepare — just like many people in the path of a hurricane wait until the last minute or until it’s too late to make good decisions.

Some people only learn to see the big picture when they take their first driving course, and the instructor tells them to keep in mind road conditions, the abilities of the vehicle, as well as all others driving or walking nearby.

Self defense — and citizenship or parenting — requires we see the big picture of what is going on around us. This is also known as situational awareness. Blinder-like inward focus must be replaced by frequent, habitual scans of our environment.

For self defense to work well, it’s best to see danger before it arrives. That gives you time to respond instead of react.

Hey, it’s only common sense.

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Photo: anomalous4

The decision to learn emergency thinking skills and use self defense when necessary requires a mindset few are taught. Changing to a survival mindset isn’t easy.

First, people must come out of denial and never assume everything is safe or that today will just be like yesterday.

You must own your reality.

Second, people must make their body and mind ready to deal with danger or disaster.

You must own your preparedness.

Third, people must take responsibility for their lives and the lives they protect.

You must own your survival.

This type of ownership of ourselves is rare. Complacency, denial, and assuming others will take care of us is more the norm.

How do we move from wearing blinders to awareness and fully embracing our own personal safety?

1) Buy into it

Some of you will think:

“Well, Lori, the statistics say it’s unlikely anything will happen to me or my kids. I can’t think there’s a predator on every block, that’s just too paranoid. Besides, I live in Wyoming and nothing bad happens here except a blizzard now and again.”

It’s not about paranoia or self defense overkill. It’s taking wise, reasonable precautions. Hope for the best but prepare for the worse.

2) See the world with new eyes

Most problems can be avoided if we see them coming. We do this by being aware, honoring our intuition, and thinking with a self defense mindset. Just as the extra senses we use when driving in busy traffic become a habit, we can learn to keep an extra eye on our surroundings and pay more attention to patterns of behavior.

3) Self assessment

When you are training or teaching self defense everyday, your skill level operates at its peak. If people are not at this level, they may need reminders or cues to keep up awareness. Here are a few:

Car check — when going to or leaving your car, take 360-degree survey of your surroundings (without looking like that’s what you are doing).

What if – when you hear about a break-in, active shooter, or missing person, ask yourself what you would do if you had been the target.

Key up — each time you touch your car and house keys, use that moment to think about awareness, instead of habitually and blindly going through the motions of your day.

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Do work on your awareness skills?

Is self defense a big deal to you?

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Thank you for visiting!

For more information on building your awareness and pro-active self defense skills, download my free e-book here.

Lori Hoeck

Photo credit:  bark

If you sign up to get my free self defense e-book, Think Like a Black Belt: Take Charge of Your Own Safety, it comes with a companion newsletter. Here’s a part of one of the newsletters — so you can see what you are missing!

Keeping It Simple — The “Three As”

If you’ve taken a first aid or CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) class, you’ve probably been taught the ABC method of remembering the protocol:

Airway
Breathing
Circulation

The human body in cardiac trauma is fairly predictable — enough so that these simplified rules can apply to most cases of CPR.

In self defense, however, a lot of unknowns will pop up. So how can you get a better handle on the flow of action in a situation? With all the different ways to handle emergencies and attack, are there any shortcut methods of remembering a plan of action?

Most self defense experts can come up with some kind of system. Here’s a simple one I’ve created that you may want to use, adapt, or just keep in the back of your mind. It certainly isn’t complete. It’s simply a way to plan ahead.

The Three As — ALARM? ASSESS. ACT!

Alarm?
OK. Where? Who? What?

Assess.
Pro or punk?
Cover & concealment?
Expedient weapons & exits?
Terrain & territory?

Act!
Full-tilt or fakery?
Depart, deflect, defend, defer, defy?

Breaking Down the Three As

Alarm?
OK. Where? Who? What?

Accept (by acknowledging with the “OK”) that something unsafe is happening. Focus on defining it enough to respond. Don’t engage in denial. When you look down the hall of a huge mall and people at the far end start collapsing, holding their throats, denial won’t help. Fear, however, can compel your feet quite fast out the nearest exit and upwind.

Assess.
Pro or punk?
Cover & concealment?
Expedient weapons & exits?
Terrain & territory?

You don’t want a level playing field–you want advantage. A professional requires a lot more thought than a punk (insecure/newbie attacker), although both can maim and kill. What in your environment or skill set will help you gain advantage? That curtain might hide you, but it won’t stop a spray of bullets. The scissors might be a good expedient weapon, but a pen is easier to hide. That alley might be tempting to escape an active shooter, but does it dead end?

Act!
Full-tilt or fakery?
Depart, deflect, defend, defer, defy?

React or respond! Freezing is not the best response. Breathe. Stomp foot or yell to clear mind. Keep thinking. You have choices.

Full-tilt means giving 100 percent to a direct action, such as running or fighting back. Fakery means using ploys and acting a certain way to find an opening to escape to safety. Either choice requires total commitment.

The following can be mixed and matched as the situation and your response decisions change:

Depart – just turn and run to safety
Deflect by using humor or some story to gain time
Defend yourself with everything at your disposal
Defer to them as a ploy to play along until you can escape or attack
Defy with refusal to follow their demands, letting your words and attitude show them you are no victim and that they should go elsewhere

The best way to keep these concepts in mind is to take a moment at home, work, or play to visualize something alarming happening — perhaps something you heard about in the news. In your mind, walk yourself through different scenarios and what you might do.

Disclaimer: There is no one way or procedure I can recommend you take in an emergency or self defense situation. I can give options, but you must decide what to do in the heat of the moment and with the insider’s view of the situation.

For Younger Kids

For younger kids, the Three A’s can be simplified into these:

Avoidance - Don’t go there. Side-step trouble and troubling people.
Awareness - Notice surroundings and take action when red flags come up.
Assertiveness - Set boundaries, be firm, value yourself.

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You can start receiving more newsletter content like this by signing up for my e-book here.

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Additional preparation concepts to keep you safe can be found:

Distractions help movie heroes and self defense

Responding vs. reacting in self defense

The Power of Preparedness

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Thank you for visiting and learning about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Beyond the Self Defense Tweets:
Taken randomly from my self defense tweets on Twitter.  I write super-short blog posts to go Beyond the Tweet, chosen from the archives.

Navy SEALs learn to overcome adversity

The Tweet:

Greatest tool in self defense–mindset. Never think “I’m a helpless victim.” Refuse to give them that kind of control.

Beyond the Tweet:

When a person in a self defense situations falls prey to thinking, “I can’t” or “I’m too weak” or “This is too much to take,” it only feeds the need of the criminal, abuser, user, terrorist, or bully. It feeds their need to control your heart and mind so they can do as they wish.

You have to grab hold of something powerful to get you through such situations: your dreams and goals yet fulfilled, your loved ones you want to see again, or a burning desire to not let this person walk all over you. You must think beyond the shock, summon courage from the heart of  fear, and take action to be the victor, not the victim.

—

Lori Hoeck

I tweet here @LoriHoeck.

Photo: Rennett Stowe

When it comes to defending our inner well-being or our lives, it’s important how we view the world’s impact on us. We need evaluate our feelings about personal power.

For example, do we feel our lives are like yo-yos, dependent on the input or feelings of others:

• Does our day and energy go up and down with the situations around us?
• Do we feel proud when someone brags about us, but down when we aren’t recognized?
• Do we fear looking out of place or saying the wrong thing most of the time?

If our inner state is dependent on how well received we are by others, our well-being is a boat bouncing on the sea of circumstance. Our inner well-being will always be buffeted by the next withering glare, shrunken by someone’s embarrassment at us, or squelched by a more powerful personality wanting to exert itself.

Yes, it’s tough to:

• disregard the opinions of others
• have the inner strength to shrug off criticism
• feel comfortable in our own skin

But when we give away our inner state to the whims of others or to circumstances, we will be less inclined to defend ourselves, to stand up for our ideas, or to make sure no one crosses the line with us.

Compare that mindset to these three quotes:

From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

I LIVE to think for myself. I refuse to be a mindless sheep following the crowd into cookie-cutter oblivion. Otherwise I’d just be a zombie with no heart or passion in life. ~Hervey Taylor IV

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Question:
What empowers you to stand up for yourself?

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Thank you for visiting!

Lori Hoeck

Photo: Monsieur Gordon

As hardy, resilient Oklahoma farm and ranch folks, my grandparents faced drought, floods, the effects of two world wars, the Great Depression, and the Oklahoma Dust Bowl.

As for the last disaster, my mom remembers wetting towels to put in the windows and around doors in an attempt to keep the dust from coming in the house.

Preparedness helped make life easier.

In another childhood moment, she sat terrified in the storm cellar as her dad and granddad held the door shut with strong rope to stop the suction of a tornado from pulling anyone out.

Preparedness helped save lives.

This is not to say every day of farming and ranching was horrible. But all my family grew up keenly aware of how to “hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.” Taking the personal responsibility to prepare is simply a family habit.

For my grandparents, that meant taking time to put things out of the way of floods before the huge thunderstorms rumbled by. It also meant stocking up on supplies — enough for both humans and livestock — in case no one could make it to the store for days or months. Their due diligence in keeping the farm safe and secure even included the best and most feared Doberman Pinscher in the state, Duke.

Preparation is key in self defense and emergency thinking as well. As a volunteer firefighter and EMT a few years back, I was trained in HAZMAT drills that were pretty unthinkable and unlikely. I sure hope a dirty bomb doesn’t go off in my city, but thankfully our local firefighters could handle it and much worse.

My karate students over the years worked their butts off to make themselves ready for something that may never happen. So did I. I really doubt I will need the skills learned in those blindfolded drills against multiple attackers, but still it was fun, exciting, and taught me to move and think in different ways.

Preparation is key in facing disaster, the bully at school, or the knife-wielding attacker. Research shows people with even a small sense of control over their situation perform better that those who believe they have no control. When you realize you have options, you are enabled to take more effective action.

In self defense situations, the more you know about your own skills and the flow of physical, mental or emotional violence, the more likely you will be to respond in a way that keeps you safe.

Preparation.

• United States Coast Guard understands it, “Semper Paratus” or “ever ready.”
• Boy Scouts understand it — “Be Prepared.”
• My grandparents understood it, “Lori, we never know what might happen. Best to be ready.”

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UPDATE on the release of the free ebook, The Narcissist: A User’s Guide:

Both Betsy Wuebker of Passing Thru and I thank everyone who has downloaded our power-packed ebook! If you haven’t yet, you can discover more about it here, and then read Betsy’s great backstory to its beautiful layout and design by Sirius Graphix here.  (The wonderful folks at Sirius Graphix made sure we were prepared for our launch!)

We’ve found the rush of  emailed feedback, comments, and discussion to be great, and we want to invite anyone to share their stories as well for a future, follow-up book. Interested? Drop Betsy an email: betsywuebker AT passingthru DOT com

Again, thank you!

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Thank you for visiting and learning more about self defense.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck

Photo: Wikipedia Link

Landing after bo-supported side kick

When I started this website last May, it revolved around the launch of my first ebook, Think Like a Black Belt: Take Charge of Your Own Safety. (My second ebook on narcissism is now available.)

Both the  first ebook and blog came about because I looked at my own personal safety and realized it would be a rare day that I’d have to use my 3rd degree black belt skills.

Why?

Self defense against criminals, bullies, and predators is often more about relationship than combat. Muggers, rapists, and con artists cast their eye for a certain type of person they think they can control on some level.

To avoid their radar and control, I use the power of body language, intuition, awareness, a strong voice, boundary setting, pattern recognition, response vs. reaction, and a whole host of other non-martial arts skills

You can discover these for yourself. I write about them in my ebooks and on this site.

Yes, taking a violence prevention session or a combat or martial arts class is fun, fulfilling, and fitness-building. You will learn much, so I recommend them.

But until then, check out my best-read articles:

Most Popular Articles

What you can do about a shooter in the building, Part One

What you can do about a shooter in the building, Part Two

Getting to know your intuition

How our intuition warns of danger

Signs and traits of emotional predators

Mental Toughening and Awareness Building

What color code are you today? (Developing Vigilance)

Distractions help movie heroes and self defense

Why you need to learn street cop body language

Stop panic — three ways to unfreeze

Karate yells: Bogus or big help in self defense?

Narcissists, Emotional Predators, Dark Hearts

Signs and traits of emotional predators

Three ways a narcissist can take control

Five traits of a narcissistic ‘crazymaker’

The Blame Game of emotional predators

Defense Against the Dark Hearts

Basic Self Defense Moves

Mythbusting and self defense (Self Defense Made Easy)

The key to using keys in self defense

Self defense against a front hair grab

Self Defense with ‘Heel Palm Strike’

Intuition

Getting to know your intuition

Intuition — first self defense weapon of choice

Intuition will save your life – can you access it?

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Thank you for visiting.
If you think others can benefit, please pass it on!

Lori Hoeck